Apology - 2005

My skin feels numb
Because you won't touch me.
I'm dirty and soiled
and not worthy anymore.
I'm trying to remember
what your hipbones felt like
against my fingers.
Trying to remember
how you said you loved me
and kissed me like you meant it.
I can't write without crying
because I promised
all the words to you,
and now they are coming
from a liars mouth.
I'm sorry for hurting you
I never meant to
I never wanted to.
Forgive me,
please forgive me,
for being human and flawed.
Forgive me for not being strong.
I still write your name on my wrist
hoping the spell still works,
that somehow love still works.
I never wanted to be touched
by anyone but you.
But it's too late
and I hate myself for it.
Molested in a weak moment
and there is not a way
that I can remove this stain.
Even when it fades
it will still be there,
and you won't forget.
And I'm afraid...
I'm afraid.